Barney Genesis
Chapter 1, Verses 1-6
And Barney created the Planet of Earth, and the sun, and the stars, and the sky, all to help share the Love, the Happiness, and the Barney And Friends show. And the people were happy. They made a period of time which they called the Day, which measured the time between the viewings of the Barney And Friends show. It consisted of 48 Half-hours, which were the units of time which measured the length of the Barney And Friends show. And, to make the Day not quite so numerically formiddable, they made the Hour, which consisted of Two Half-hours. And life was good for the people.
Verses 14-23
So Barney, in all His Purple Majesty, created his savior, and named her Baby Bop. And, with His blessings, He sent her down into the world to preach of Barney, and restore the evil world. And it was a success. People everywhere heard Baby Bop's preachings, and the belief in Barney rose again. Once again the people bought Barney dolls. Once again they bought Barney lunchboxes. Once again they bought Barney toothbrushes. Once again they bought Barney Coloring Books. And once again they bought Barney Pajamas. And Baby Bop and Barney once again existed, in all their Purple Glory, in happiness.
INTRODUCTION
Thank you for purchasing the official Barney Worshippers Handbook. Now that you have this book, you will learn the true ways of Barneydom. You will see hymms never before availiable in paperback, night time, dinner, and Barney & Friends prayers, pages from the Holy Barney Coloring book, an official guide to the Barney & Friends episodes, and much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much more.
Enjoy, and remember... Be A Happy Family.
The Holy Hymm of Barney
I Love you
You love me
We're a happy family
With a great big hug
And a kiss from me to you
The Song that Never Ends
CHORUS
This is the song that never ends
Oh it goes on and on my friend
Some people started singing it not knowing what it was
And they'll continue singing it forever just because
REPEAT CHORUS
Amen.
Love and Happiness
Love and Happiness with Barney
Love and Happiness with Barney
Love is for everyone, Love is for all
Love is the joy that sustains us in the fall
CHORUS
Love and Happiness
Happiness and Love
Love and love and love and love
and Hap...I....ness!!
REPEAT CHORUS ONCE
When you watch the Barney show all day
It gives you a feeling that just wont go away
Happiness comes from deep inside
Happiness that you just can't hide
CHORUS
When Barney tells us all it's time to say good bye
It really really really really makes me cry
But we must venture forth to preach of Happiness and Love.
Barney in his Purpleness will fly with the doves.
Amen.
Norma Numbers
Verses 23-27.01
192837461087326491827630487230958747652740758978658671097857187893475879879179727467803
19827365871260597173284728367567283912830492837657207808357098375789057173821787587123
01982758716237612387468726586213876187236478657678129834760198732049817230948728374834
01928370476237657384927365872309485709374572346576374859876387928736475984767593877587
89209834528349258039845839102384901923849029189230498290192839458923482950948695409856
032496823940989082394785732490856902817283647618726379487398472871987287578927412852986
238906329485098327450832094869234628397582637657.01
BARNEY PRAYERS
Before going to bed
Oh Barney
In your all your Purple Glory and Esence.,
Please protect me and and my family
from any harm that may come , from rapists,
homicidal maniacs, Phycotic killers, murders,
committers of homicide, perverts, Squids, Fluffadels,
crooks, criminals, vandals, thieves, filchers, pilferers,
pilligers, purloiners, friskers, hijackers, poachers,
life insurance salesmen, rustlers, burglars, robbers,
sickos, looters, plunderers, peeping toms, pyromaniacs,
Cthulhu worshippers, garbage men, bag ladies, demons,
devils, witches, warlocks, trolls, gnomes, golums, spirits,
ghosts, zombies, ghasts, lichs, and other politicians. Also
protect me from axe murderers, chain-saw massacre artists,
toilet paperers, dog catchers, lawyers, pound puppies, and
creatures that go bump in the night. Please protect me
from these evils, oh Great Wize and Purple One.
Before the Barney And Friends Television Show
Oh Barney
Blessed be you and the people who provide us with
the holy Barney and Friends show.
And Blessed be the Corporation of Public Broadcasting,
the Arthur Wayne Trust Foundation, and the ever holy
Viewers Like You. Blessed be those who contribute on
pledge nights, and ifeth they so choose to contribue $50 or
more, they shall recieveth a Barney And Friends Coffe Mug
absolutely free. And Damned be those who contribute to the
opponents of the Corporation of Public Broadcasting. May
their souls burn in the fires of Hell forever.
Amen.